This is Fine

Psalm 64:1

[1] Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint;

preserve my life from dread of the enemy. (ESV)

Man, sometimes I feel filled with I dread of the Enemy.  Or at least, I didn't realize it until tonight.  Honestly, I'm not in a very good place.  I feel like I've been falling short with various responsibilities from work, family, best man responsibilities and even these devotionals.  I was opening up to Grace after tonights' Equipping night, about all this fear for this year.  I'm scared that I can't provide for my family, I feel like I don't know what to do next.

But what Grace reminded me of is that Satan wants to attack because good things are happening.  Things I didn't realize were right in front of me. Elijah desires the Word at night and looks forward to devotionals every night.  Grace is taking a year off work, and her daily interaction with Silas' has lead to an improvement of his character.  Both Boys are embracing responsibility and wanting to help mommy around the house. I came home to Grace just being so happy to be able to commit her time to the kids and the home.

So despite all these blessings, I felt sad and defeated.  Grace prayed for me today and recognized that I'm an avoider when it comes to feeling like this.  I usually brush it off. I never complain to God because I almost feel like I'm not supposed to. She prayed that I would lament to God, and seek his comfort.  Usually, I'd force myself to believe that I was comfortable.  I made myself numb to the various stresses.  I'm like the "This is fine" dog.

  

Everything could be on fire, I know everything is on fire, but I might just say, "this is fine" just so I wouldn't have to deal with it. But in actuality, if I dig deep, I'm hurting.

So of course, God's timing is perfect and he made it so I had to cover Psalm 64.  Verse 1 is exactly what Grace prayed that I would do. Pray to God and have him hear my "complaints" and call for help.  What I realized is that I often just go to God with praises and thank yous even when that's not how my heart might be feeling at that moment. God knows my heart, and he knows when I'm putting up a front, so why do I do it?  

God desires me to come to Him in Spirit and in Truth. To worship him, as well as to cast my cares on Him. Verse 10 compliments verse 1 very well too.

Psalm 64:10

[10] Let the righteous one rejoice in the LORD

and take refuge in him!

Let all the upright in heart exult! (ESV)

David says the Righteous will rejoice in the Lord and take refuge in Him.  I think I try to always rejoice in Him, but fail to realize that I also need to take refuge in him.

God is my refuge, and I can come to Him with my praises as well as with my laments.  

King Jesus, I come before you just humbled by your Word.  I thank you for putting Grace into my life who helped me get out of this rut. I think you for the Well and these devotions that speak to me, even when I'm not trying to let it speak to me.  Lord, it is my prayer that we praise constantly, and when things get discouraging that we come to you and cry to you.