Don't Toughen Up

Ezekiel 11:19 

"And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them.  And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh.”

In complete embarrassment, I must admit that I’m the girl that cries at the end of Disney movies. I have never watched “Saving Private Ryan” or “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” because I don’t like crying for others, and I will dream about these movies for weeks.

I’m also the daughter who is considered the most sensitive in the family.  This is probably because I grew up as the oldest in a blended/broken family.  Verbal abuse was part of my childhood. 

And today, I’m the teacher that just had to fill out a child abuse report because I am a mandated reporter.  It involves three minors, sexual abuse, and I can’t even explain my heart.

In the past, I have wished, wished, wished that I can just “toughen up” my heart and not be so darn sensitive.  I want to watch movies, drive home without thinking about students, and remember my past without being sad.  I have tried to harden my heart.  But when I look to the cross, my spirit breaks and my heart changes.

You see, when I look to the cross, like really look at it, all of me is put in the right place. 

When I look to the cross, I remember that He died for me.  He died for everyone, even those involved in the child abuse that I had to report.  How ….. I don’t know… How wonderful is our God?  Can we even wrap our finite minds around him? No.

I remember that God loves us way too much to let us become numb, bitter, or apathetic to the world around us.  He loves us enough to crucify himself as the ultimate sacrifice so that we can fully live.  I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 NKJ2

The abundance he speaks of is that of love.  That he loves greatly and we, in turn, can do the same.  

God has healed my mind, my past, my soul.  It took me a while, but I no longer am afraid to love, to care, to feel, or even hurt for others.   My heart belongs to Him.   It is the blood of Jesus that pumps through my veins and he is my portion.

 

I don’t even really think I did a good job today in telling you what the cross means to me.  This is just one thing it means.  The cross is the reason I love. I love because he first loved us.  

- Grace