A Broken Bucket
From the Apostle Paul
"7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12: 7-10)
Oh how I love verses nine and ten, don't you? Can you think of times you have read and clung on to these verses? Do you see the words that pop out at your heart and comfort you with His peace and hope?
For me, several personal events come to mind as I remember how the lord has sustained me in times of turmoil, hardship, loss, and other trials. God is wonderful and has been wonderful to me.
But as I prayed that God would prepare me to write a devotion from the heart, my thorn in the flesh came out. The thing I cannot hide from even my spouse and young sons woke up this past weekend. It started on Thursday and was like a category three hurricane by Saturday: my depression hit. And it hit pretty bad.
I don't admit this part of myself to many because depression is something that many still do not fully understand. Like Paul, I have pleaded with the Lord to take it away, but he hasn't. You can bet my husband and sisters have prayed against it but it's still here.
But I realized something crazy this weekend: my depression is my thorn on my side but it is also my gift from God himself.
You see, my thoughts get really dark and my body becomes paralyzed. I want to get out of bed, but I can't. I will talk to God and he will tell me what to do "Just get up Grace and start doing something.. anything.. you know you will just get more mad at yourself later." I even hear "pray to me aloud" but I ignore that too.
At 10pm on Saturday, I could not ignore it any longer. I am trying to put an overly tired 3 year old to bed and my spouse is asking me what I am thinking. Tears. Sobbing. "Mommy, are you sick?" Silas asks. "Um yeah, can you pray for me." He was too tired, so I finally prayed out loud.
Oh my dearest brothers and sisters, in my vulnerable, pitiful, embarrassing, and weak state, God became my strength, redeemer, friend, comforter and my everything all at once. It was like a light switch in my soul turned on and I was saved.
As I gleaned in on Sunday's message, more of God's spirit continued to wash away the brokenness. When I saw the solid black slide with white letters that read "You are the bucket," God whispered into my heart. He said, "You are my broken bucket, and that's a good thing."
My depression is a gift because it forces me to cling to God for my very existence.
His grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in me, his broken bucket. For when I am broken and willing to lay myself down at his feet, he holds my heart and heals my spirit by filling it with himself. In these times, I am overflowing with his love and can't help but love others and serve them as he'd want me to. I'm so fresh in remembering what he has just done for me, I am like the lady at the well and testify his name because he has restored me.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
"... For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:10)
Church, to be vulnerable with your God is to be honest with him. Let him heal and mend your mind and soul. Let him walk with you and be your strength today and always. Let him be your God.
- Grace
"7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12: 7-10)
Oh how I love verses nine and ten, don't you? Can you think of times you have read and clung on to these verses? Do you see the words that pop out at your heart and comfort you with His peace and hope?
For me, several personal events come to mind as I remember how the lord has sustained me in times of turmoil, hardship, loss, and other trials. God is wonderful and has been wonderful to me.
But as I prayed that God would prepare me to write a devotion from the heart, my thorn in the flesh came out. The thing I cannot hide from even my spouse and young sons woke up this past weekend. It started on Thursday and was like a category three hurricane by Saturday: my depression hit. And it hit pretty bad.
I don't admit this part of myself to many because depression is something that many still do not fully understand. Like Paul, I have pleaded with the Lord to take it away, but he hasn't. You can bet my husband and sisters have prayed against it but it's still here.
But I realized something crazy this weekend: my depression is my thorn on my side but it is also my gift from God himself.
You see, my thoughts get really dark and my body becomes paralyzed. I want to get out of bed, but I can't. I will talk to God and he will tell me what to do "Just get up Grace and start doing something.. anything.. you know you will just get more mad at yourself later." I even hear "pray to me aloud" but I ignore that too.
At 10pm on Saturday, I could not ignore it any longer. I am trying to put an overly tired 3 year old to bed and my spouse is asking me what I am thinking. Tears. Sobbing. "Mommy, are you sick?" Silas asks. "Um yeah, can you pray for me." He was too tired, so I finally prayed out loud.
Oh my dearest brothers and sisters, in my vulnerable, pitiful, embarrassing, and weak state, God became my strength, redeemer, friend, comforter and my everything all at once. It was like a light switch in my soul turned on and I was saved.
As I gleaned in on Sunday's message, more of God's spirit continued to wash away the brokenness. When I saw the solid black slide with white letters that read "You are the bucket," God whispered into my heart. He said, "You are my broken bucket, and that's a good thing."
My depression is a gift because it forces me to cling to God for my very existence.
His grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in me, his broken bucket. For when I am broken and willing to lay myself down at his feet, he holds my heart and heals my spirit by filling it with himself. In these times, I am overflowing with his love and can't help but love others and serve them as he'd want me to. I'm so fresh in remembering what he has just done for me, I am like the lady at the well and testify his name because he has restored me.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
"... For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:10)
Church, to be vulnerable with your God is to be honest with him. Let him heal and mend your mind and soul. Let him walk with you and be your strength today and always. Let him be your God.
- Grace
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