Controversy Wednesday
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
- Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
- Proverbs 13:24
It's controversy Wednesday everyone! I figured we would jump right into a topic that everybody disagrees upon. You are welcome.
So this proverb is pretty popular. It's one of those that people inside the Christian community and outside the Christian community both know. It's one of those that people disagree on and there are extremes of disagreement across the board. My hope is to give a glimpse into what may actually be being said here.
What this is not saying
This verse is not saying to beat your children with anger. The long term damage of actions like that are well documented and obvious. If you do this, stop now! This passage is not a license to beat your children. Spanking is a form of discipline that is meant to correct and teach with love, not injure. It is sinful to use this passage as a license to harm your children.
The verse is also not saying that your kids shouldn't receive physical discipline. It seems pretty clear that it is saying to physically discipline your children with some form of corporal punishment. It's also in the book of Proverbs five more times.
How do we discipline then?
With love. We discipline the soul and the heart. Our role as parents is to raise our children to fear and love the Lord. It's not to inflict pain just so they are in pain. It's to correct behavior.
However, apart from the gospel that is just going to cause behavior modification, at best. Our goal is to bring the gospel to bear on every situation to show our children who Jesus is.
So how do we do that as parents?
Here are a few recommendations that I can give you that we adhere to in the Garrison house...most of the time.:)
1. Calm down before you discipline. If you discipline your children out of anger, it creates a fear of you. You want them to fear God...not making mom or dad mad. If you blow it on this, re-visit it with your child and repent for sinning. Acting out in anger is a sin, and that's how you can point them to Jesus best...by showing them you need Him too.
2. Use something other than your hand. In this verse, and in the other five, it talks about using a rod. Never does it say to hit your child with your hand. Again, you want them to know your hand is a safe place of love, not fear. Let them fear that rod. It will be gone before long, your hand will be there for life.
3. Stop spanking when it stops working. Usually around 8-10 years old, spanking is no longer an effective form of discipline. At that point it moves from discipline and fear of the pain that it causes, to shame and guilt. That's NOT what we should strive for as parents. Rather, your kids will probably respond better to restriction, a stern talking to, or having items taken away.
4. Gospel. After you have calmed down, talk to your kids about the gospel. Explain why you are going to discipline them. Make sure they understand that you love them, Jesus loves them, and that it's because of that love that you are spanking them. It's going to sound weird when it comes out of your mouth, but it will make the world of difference. I always say that God doesn't want them to grow up a fool, and they were acting like a fool.
5. Pray. After you discipline your kids, pray with them. Pray for them, lead them in what it looks like to repent for whatever they are being punished for. And then shower them with hugs, kisses, and love.
6. Grace. Every now and then, give them a free pass. However, make them understand that it's a free pass. Don't just forget or not do it because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Explain to them what grace is and why you are giving them a free pass.
7. Go easy. Remember, they are kids. It doesn't take much to cause a little bit of pain. The point of spanking is not to harm your kids, but to let them know that they cannot act the way they were...
8. The butt is padded for a reason. That's all I'm gonna say about that, but it's true.
9. Remember. Remember just how much God has saved you from. Remember how much grace and love he extends to you each day.
10. Childishness vs Foolishness. These are kids we are talking about here. They are supposed to act like kids. However, that doesn't mean they act like fools. You lovingly lead them out of childishness and discipline them out of foolishness. That's a general rule of thumb we have around here. Example: kid starts playing in the mud in the backyard...childishness. Example: kid pushes their sibling off of the couch in anger...foolishness. Get it?
Today, pray for your kids. If you don't have kids, pray for mine.:)
Charlie
- Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
- Proverbs 13:24
It's controversy Wednesday everyone! I figured we would jump right into a topic that everybody disagrees upon. You are welcome.
So this proverb is pretty popular. It's one of those that people inside the Christian community and outside the Christian community both know. It's one of those that people disagree on and there are extremes of disagreement across the board. My hope is to give a glimpse into what may actually be being said here.
What this is not saying
This verse is not saying to beat your children with anger. The long term damage of actions like that are well documented and obvious. If you do this, stop now! This passage is not a license to beat your children. Spanking is a form of discipline that is meant to correct and teach with love, not injure. It is sinful to use this passage as a license to harm your children.
The verse is also not saying that your kids shouldn't receive physical discipline. It seems pretty clear that it is saying to physically discipline your children with some form of corporal punishment. It's also in the book of Proverbs five more times.
How do we discipline then?
With love. We discipline the soul and the heart. Our role as parents is to raise our children to fear and love the Lord. It's not to inflict pain just so they are in pain. It's to correct behavior.
However, apart from the gospel that is just going to cause behavior modification, at best. Our goal is to bring the gospel to bear on every situation to show our children who Jesus is.
So how do we do that as parents?
Here are a few recommendations that I can give you that we adhere to in the Garrison house...most of the time.:)
1. Calm down before you discipline. If you discipline your children out of anger, it creates a fear of you. You want them to fear God...not making mom or dad mad. If you blow it on this, re-visit it with your child and repent for sinning. Acting out in anger is a sin, and that's how you can point them to Jesus best...by showing them you need Him too.
2. Use something other than your hand. In this verse, and in the other five, it talks about using a rod. Never does it say to hit your child with your hand. Again, you want them to know your hand is a safe place of love, not fear. Let them fear that rod. It will be gone before long, your hand will be there for life.
3. Stop spanking when it stops working. Usually around 8-10 years old, spanking is no longer an effective form of discipline. At that point it moves from discipline and fear of the pain that it causes, to shame and guilt. That's NOT what we should strive for as parents. Rather, your kids will probably respond better to restriction, a stern talking to, or having items taken away.
4. Gospel. After you have calmed down, talk to your kids about the gospel. Explain why you are going to discipline them. Make sure they understand that you love them, Jesus loves them, and that it's because of that love that you are spanking them. It's going to sound weird when it comes out of your mouth, but it will make the world of difference. I always say that God doesn't want them to grow up a fool, and they were acting like a fool.
5. Pray. After you discipline your kids, pray with them. Pray for them, lead them in what it looks like to repent for whatever they are being punished for. And then shower them with hugs, kisses, and love.
6. Grace. Every now and then, give them a free pass. However, make them understand that it's a free pass. Don't just forget or not do it because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Explain to them what grace is and why you are giving them a free pass.
7. Go easy. Remember, they are kids. It doesn't take much to cause a little bit of pain. The point of spanking is not to harm your kids, but to let them know that they cannot act the way they were...
8. The butt is padded for a reason. That's all I'm gonna say about that, but it's true.
9. Remember. Remember just how much God has saved you from. Remember how much grace and love he extends to you each day.
10. Childishness vs Foolishness. These are kids we are talking about here. They are supposed to act like kids. However, that doesn't mean they act like fools. You lovingly lead them out of childishness and discipline them out of foolishness. That's a general rule of thumb we have around here. Example: kid starts playing in the mud in the backyard...childishness. Example: kid pushes their sibling off of the couch in anger...foolishness. Get it?
Today, pray for your kids. If you don't have kids, pray for mine.:)
Charlie
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